Secret VPS candidate revealed: Carlos Ray Norris

3 Feb

Fuck it. Another candidate comes to light. All sabbatical positions now seem to be contested. FUCK. I have it on good authority that one of the candidates running to be VPS of EUSA in the upcoming election is someone called Carlos Ray Norris.

Carlos, in a pathetic attempt to win over voters by imitating Sam Hansfords beard.

Carlos, or “Chuck” has not had much previous involvement with EUSA as he currently lives in the US, having studied environmental sciences off-site at the university for two years.

He is a member of the local drama-club, and has had a few minor roles in some Hollywood C-movies. Due to this he is quite a well-known face in his local community. My sources say that this has made his ego fucking enormous, in other words, a good fit for EUSA. He has also appeared in some Czech commercials for T-mobile, something he considers to be his greatest achievement to date.

Carlos is thought to be running on a general anti cuts platform, as “anything that can’t be done with your fists isn’t worth doing.”

As far as campaigning goes, Chucky seems to have prepared well. He has a thing going where “facts” about himself are listed, making him out to be some kind of fucking superman. He also have a protected Twitter account, but I assume we will see it open up and be full of the regular camp-fucking-aining any time soon.

Carlos may think he is some kind of tough-guy, but as any other non-EUSA candidate he will probably be facing a losing battle, even though he is planning to fly into Edinburgh and campaign for a week. Who knows though, he will probably have the mature-student vote behind him. Perhaps even the, apparently fucking crucial, “Bedlam” vote.

Phillipppa might want to keep an eye on this one.


4 Responses to “Secret VPS candidate revealed: Carlos Ray Norris”

  1. Bildungsroman February 4, 2011 at 2:08 pm #

    I fucking hate Chuck Norris. But I also really dislike Philippa ‘I’ll propose selling Nestle in EUSA shops again and then claim I was against it the whole time’. Can’t someone else run? Please.

  2. Philippa February 6, 2011 at 9:44 am #

    That comment was said to a friend as a joke when I was very frustrated about the whole nestle saga….Im really sorry it wasn’t very funny (in fact it was quite tasteless)but its not an accurate reflection of what Im actually like as a person or how much I care about social justice.

    sorry again


  3. Bildungsroman February 6, 2011 at 3:14 pm #

    Wait I’m a little confused. Which side did you actually come down upon: reintroducing or not? Because if my memory serves me you spoke in favour of reintroducing them at the AGM but then backtracked by making some half hearted claim that actually the motion was just proposed because you wanted to gauge how students felt about it and you were in fact against it too.

  4. Philippa February 6, 2011 at 8:45 pm #

    I was never against the motion- I proposed it. I am in favour of introducing fairtrade kit kats into eusa outlets. Always have been, always will be and by the sound of it you were at the AGM so will have heard all the reasons why I think that. However I dont believe that having that position makes me pro nestle. I never said I thought they were ethical I said that I thought we should reward their small acknowledgement to be more socially responsible.

    I suspected the motion might not pass before we had even got the signatures but still decided to go ahead hence my saying it was to also judge student opinion. It was always going to be controversial but I still got up and made a convincing argument about something I really believe in whilst having to deal with anger in the room. Thats not half hearted in the slightest.

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