Presidential Profile: Matthew McPherson

23 Jan

Fuck me. Nominations don’t even open for another few weeks, and already people are announcing that they will be running for stuff. These hacks sure are eager.

One of the hopefuls for the position of EUSA supreme ruler is, apparently, Matthew McPherson. Five minutes ago I had no idea who the hell he was, but after some extensive research using Google I now know everything there is to know about him.

This blond blue-eyed 5′ 7″ medium-built 23 year old greater Londoner will apparently be one of your presidential hopefuls, according to Google. And Google never fucking lies.

Matt isn’t new to EUSA. He has been around, even campaigned. He seems to have toned down the blond blue-eyed 5′ 7″ medium-built 23 year old greater Londoner look, as can be seen in his video from last year when he was campaigning to be a “Welfare Convener.” Whatever that is.

The video is, as one would expect, appropriately cringe-worthy. It starts out with a shaky zooming in on what I can only assume is the grand master plan of welfare, followed by the obligatory staged, awkward, “look I actually talk to people!” shot. Then he goes on and on and on about some crap which I can only assume was designed to make the audience doze off just enough not to notice that the last “speaking to people”-shot is the same three seconds of footage shown previously. Very sneaky. As is tradition in campaign-videos, the “talking about crap” part of the video is done with a very noisy background, including some upbeat, feel-good music, just to make extra sure that no one will be able to hear what he is saying.
As a desperate last measure the video is then made “original” and “fresh” by some “amusing” “out-takes” at the end. Some of the 550 people who have seen the video to date must have seen something in it, as his campaign was apparently successful. This blog will of course have full “coverage” of all the shit Matt may be releasing for this campaign, “manifestos”, etc.

It could also be added that he recently returned to Twitter, after a 6 month leave of absence. I’ll take note of that as the first transparent publicity-move of his campaign.

I think that is pretty much everything there is to know about this MacFearson guy, one of the people whose face you will have forced into your eyeballs by all those fucking colourful posters. Oh God, I can’t wait. I just can’t fucking wait…

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